What I ate


On Monday morning I got up at

For my Breakfast I had 500 hard boiled eggs and a cup of

For lunch I had an old car tire and a bucket of frogs.

For dinner I had a jar of anti-ageing cream and two meters
of electric flex.

On Tuesday I got up at
8 am.

For my breakfast I had a plastic ruler and next doors dog.

For lunch I had 53 pounds of Guinness and then I went home
early and went to bed.

On Wednesday I got up at
3 pm,

For breakfast I had bacon and eggs, two cups of tea and some
holyday brochures.
I didnt have any lunch, because it was too late.

For dinner I ate my briefcase and all of my wifes clothing.

On Thursday I got up at
8 am.

For breakfast I had a bottle of washing up liquid and a car

For lunch I had the plumbing from an on-suite bathroom and
two cups of tea.

For dinner I ate some important documents, a ski jacket, a
staple gun, a pair of shoes, a packet of biscuits and some ice-cream.

On Friday I got up early, because I had a doctor s
appointment, so I didnt have time for breakfast.

For lunch I had a Cornish pasty and a cup of tea.

For dinner I ate all of the plants in our garden and a
concrete paving slammer.

On Saturday I got up at
8 am.
I have to work on Saturdays.

For breakfast I had a bottle of muesli, but I barfed it up
on my trousers.

For lunch I ate the trousers that I have barfed up on and
then I went to the barbers and got shaved bold and I ate all my hair on the
way back to the office.

For dinner I ate an electric drill and some coleslaw.

On Sunday I got up at
9 am,
I went to church without having any breakfast,

For lunch I ate a large grave stone and some grass.

In the evening, I went out for dinner with my wife and I had
scampi and she had lasagna .


David Shrigley



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